Windows 8: At Last, a True Upgrade to Windows 3!

Windows 3.0 through 3.11, introduced in 1990 and replaced by Windows 95 in 1995, was until recently the best-ever version of Windows. Why? Because graphical elements were two-dimensional. Windows 95 ruined that with it's cluttered three-dimensional look.

Everyone knows that simpler is better. Three-dimensionality is more complex, therefore worse than two-dimensional.

It makes no difference that three-dimensionality helps you more quickly see the purpose and function of graphical screen elements. Who cares whether an operating system helps you know what's going on? The whole point of an operating system is to be beautiful, and that in turn requires simplicity. If that means the user must learn in books or by googling how to navigate around the operating system, it's a worthwhile tradeoff, and shows that the user is macho. Only wimps want operating systems that help them in any way. Remember, user-friendly really means wimp-friendly.

Also, the more time you spend just gazing at the beautiful simplicity of an operating system, and not trying to be productive, the better. It's about enjoying beauty, not getting work done.

When Windows Vista made the three-dimensionality smoother, it was admittedly prettier, but we were not fooled. Though pretty, it was still helpful, and therefore bad. Windows 7 continued that ruse.

So Windows 95, 98, ME, NT4, 2000, XP, Vista, and 7 were all worse than Windows 3.x. But what does this have to do with Windows 8?

Windows 8 brings back glorious two-dimensionality to Windows. It forces the user to learn more from books and googling than by seeing them intuitively in the interface (though not always due only to the flat interface). So the users know they are macho and not wimps.

If, like me, you've never upgraded your main computer past Windows 3.x because you hate three-dimensionality and it's associated user-friendliness, you'll be right at home in Windows 8. You'll like how many tasks are not intuitively obvious and have to be googled. And then either memorized or googled again the next time you need to do that task.

Thanks, Microsoft, for making it harder for us macho types! We love it. All we need now is for Windows to be able to physically reach out and spank us. Now that would really be exciting! I mean macho. I think.